OTTAWA – A conspiracy theory surrounding a secret vaccine oath between Canadian doctors and the government has been confirmed, revealing medical professionals are pushing vaccinations in order to save your life.
According to @I_BleedRednNavyBlue_Oilers4Ever, the reddit user first unearthed the conspiracy after holding his health card up to the light and discovering a hidden symbol: the smirking devil emoji.
“Canadian doctors were coerced by the government to force the public to receive life-saving vaccinations or else they’d lose their jobs,” began the lengthy reddit post. “Want proof? Here it is: my friend Carmen’s brother’s girlfriend sent her this screenshot of a purchaser agreement, highlighting that the pharmacy she worked at must follow Health Canada’s regulations and use the federally approved vaccines they procured from the government, on the public. Evil!! And Carmen wouldn’t send me this if it wasn’t important. She knows things. She listens to podcasts!”
The post then goes on to point out that the logo for the Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons of Canada, the regulatory college that oversees Canadian medical professionals, is a snake and you literally can’t trust a snake.
”And it’s not the first time doctors have taken an oath – ever heard of the ‘Hippocratic Oath!’ What the fuck is that?!”
“I feel like we’ve been caught with our hands in the cookie jar,” sighed Doctor Felicity Banks, who admitted to making the deal in the dark alley behind the hospital after she just finished doing back-to-back 24 hour shifts intubating 40-year-old covid patients. “Now that the world knows about our nefarious intentions to try and save people’s lives through vaccinations, there is nothing left for us to do except retreat to the billion dollar mansions we all bought with our government payoff money!!”
In an interview with anti-vaxxer Izzie Russo, mom of two and Facebook admin of a group titled “Doctors are bad! Let kids get Pertussis!”, Russo is relieved the truth is finally out. “I said it from day one – I don’t want anything synthetic, unnatural, or experimental in my body or in the body of my kids” stated Russo, before taking an unregulated far-from-natural alternative prescribed to her from her naturopath.
“Screw rigorously tested, clinically proven vaccinations! Get your family on Ivermectin,” stated Russo, before showing a CNN article debunking vaccination efficacy that was obviously photoshopped to look like a CNN article. “You know – because nothing fights viruses better than deworming medication for horses and cows!”