Inclusivity Win! The green M&M is getting an abortion

VIRGINIA – Mars, Incorporated, the company behind M&Ms, announced yesterday that it would be making a concerted effort to make its popular colourful candy more globally relatable and in…

Putin unsure if he’s in mood for Cold War or World War

MOSCOW – As a mustered force of 100,000 Russian soldiers stands by at the Ukrainian border, Russian President Vladimir Putin was reportedly spotted at his Novo-Ogaryevo residence debating t…

Ontario to reopen in-person dining on January 31st and then again on April 10th

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has just announced that restaurants and bars will be able to open indoor dining at reduced capacity on January 31st and then, following another lockdown …

Beijing confirms they won’t cancel Winter Olympics since they already rented extra chairs

BEIJING – Officials from Beijing and the International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed this week that the 2022 Winter Olympics won’t be cancelled amidst rising COVID cases, as they have a…

Wow! These 5 iconic Toronto landmarks would be even better as weed shops

TORONTO – We toured Toronto and discovered five iconic Toronto landmarks that would definitely be more loved as weed shops. Madison Avenue Pub – At 450 meters from the nearest weed st…

Inspiring! This man has already completed his resolution to draw more fanart of Sonic the Hedgehog pregnant

CALGARY – According to local sources, 34-year-old Damien Wilkes has already completed his New Year’s resolution to draw more fanart of Sonic the Hedgehog heavy with child.  “Last year I resolved …

Beijing’s claims 1st Omicron case ‘arrived through mail’ refuted by anyone who has ever used Canada Post

TORONTO – Claims that the first case of the Omicron variant reported in Beijing ‘arrived on a parcel sent from Canada’ are being met with heavy skepticism by the scientific community as wel…

Inspiring! This cat sensed its owner was about to have a seizure so it clawed his face and pissed on the carpet

TORONTO, ON ― Another pet has gone from cuddly companion to a life-saving hero after Peter Barkley’s cat Sprinkles sprung into action before he had a seizure. “It’s true that Sprinkles does often…

“My fucking back!” reports nation

OTTAWA – Reports from homes across the nation have indicated that they’ve hurt their back shovelling snow once again. “God dammit, my fucking back,” said Keith, David, Ste…

5 living room workouts that look like you’re laying on a yoga mat eating chips but you’re not

Hey there, hot stuff! With gyms being closed, it’s important to stay active at home! Turn that shambles-of-a-living-room (aka office/school/room where you regularly cry), into a fab fitness space…