World’s richest edgelord Elon Musk has reached a deal to buy twitter. While the deal still needs shareholder approval, it is likely to go through. Here are the 5 biggest changes Musk will make once he takes over.
1. Donald Trump will get his account back, but only if he promises to make his profile photo a pic of him holding a flamethrower from The Boring Company.
2. The company will stop flagging things for misleading or inaccurate content except for truly outrageous/sensational claims, like photos of pre-hair transplant Elon Musk.
3. There will somehow be even more ads for crypto. Experts say it isn’t possible as there is already 100% crypto saturation on twitter, but Musk is determined to prove them wrong.
4. Verify all accounts and allow all posts that don’t technically violate free speech laws. People will have to prove it’s really them before they can enter into a public square full of Nazis making racist “jokes”.
5. Finally give us an excuse to leave this hell-site, walk out of our homes, and go live in the woods where, just maybe, we will finally find inner peace. Then come back next time we want to tell people what we think about Fast and Furious Ten.
Image: Daniel Oberhaus (2018)