Local legend Can’t Count Johnson dies at the age of 375
MONCTON – Can’t Count Johnson has passed on at the ripe old self-reported age of 375. Possibly the oldest man ever to live, Johnson got the nickname ‘Can’t Count’ due to his inability to d…
Short film nominees comforted that win or lose, their work will live on in hearts of dozens
HOLLYWOOD – An Oscar nomination can bring with it tremendous accolades, career opportunities and, for nominees of the short film categories, a huge uptick in their viewership, potentially …
Oscar Prediction: Dunes from DUNE favoured to win Best Dunes
HOLLYWOOD – With the 94th annual Academy Awards airing this Sunday, cinema fans everywhere have feverishly taken to discussing their predictions. From Best Picture to Best Score, many categ…
Oscars add “Best Spider-Based Picture”
HOLLYWOOD – In a last-minute move to boost ratings, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has added a new category, ‘Best Spider-Based Picture,’ awarded to ‘the best film featurin…
Dog stops doing something funny, forcing local family to talk to each other
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Reports indicate the Roche family’s 8 year old labradoodle Trevor recently, stopped walking around with a blanket on his head, forcing the family to actually learn ab…
This weighted blanket changed my life by accidentally smothering my cat
If you’re like me and you’ve been wondering whether you should buy a weighted blanket, this review is for you! The first night I used my weighted blanket, I was super impressed with how comfortab…
Why Justin Trudeau being criticized by three far-right European politicians proves Canada’s international reputation is in tatters
By: Armond DeFrame Remember when Canada was respected? Before Justin Trudeau took a woke hammer and shattered the glass of our international reputation? I sure do. I remember when Canadian politi…
CRTC approves Rogers-Shaw deal to protect Canadians from dangers of choice paralysis
OTTAWA – The Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission has approved the acquisition of Shaw broadcasting services by Rogers in a move being touted as in ‘the best interest…
Local parents concerned Elden Ring some kind of sex toy
TORONTO, ON — Reports indicate many Canadian parents believe Elden Ring is some form of sex toy, as FromSoftware’s newest video game hits 12 million copies sold in 18 days. Many parents were deep…
With Jackson hearings underway, Republicans regret squandering their supply of evil
LOCATION REDACTED ― The secret meeting of national Republican politicians was interrupted this week by the undisputed mastermind of American villainy, who was reportedly furious at his underlings…
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