NHL refs an inspiration to millions who would love to get paid for not doing their job
TORONTO – Usually it’s the hockey players that are praised for inspiring people. But today people are taking time to praise the unsung heroes of the game, the refs, for letting them k…
Peaches vow to use your face as butt emoji
NIAGARA-ON-THE-LAKE – Thousands of peaches rolled down Queen Street to protest their famous emoji, which they claim is a lewd depiction of their community. Demonstrators held signs with the…
Oscars pledge to have more diversity in styles of fighting at next year’s ceremony
Los Angeles, CA – After receiving heavy criticism for a lack of diversity at this year’s ceremonies, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has pledged to include a larger variety …
Local woman apologizes for doing job correctly
VICTORIA, BC – A local woman is grappling with a bad habit she can’t seem to shake: apologizing for doing her job correctly. “See, the problem was I organized the reports by invoice number …
Oscars present lifetime achievement award to toxic masculinity
LOS ANGELES- The Academy presented their prestigious lifetime achievement award last night to veteran of filmmaking and perennial awards season favourite, toxic masculinity. Recognized by fans an…
Modern-day Caligula brings two bags of chips to bed with him
CALGARY – Sources report that 27-year-old Elliot Greenwood has amazed and disturbed onlookers by bringing two bags of chips into bed with him. “I really like sour cream and onion, but I also real…
Ontario reaches $10 child-care deal after Doug Ford achieves sole objective of no one getting help for a full year
QUEEN’S PARK – As Ontario becomes the last province to sign a deal on the Federal Government’s $10-per-day child-care plan, Premier Doug Ford took credit for achieving his sole negotiating …
J.K Rowling reveals Voldemort was still bad but right about trans people
LONDON – The author of the beloved Harry Potter series J.K Rowling tweeted today that, while Voldemort was absolutely a villain, his views on trans people were largely correct. The tweet wa…
Canada eager to find out what this “World Cup” is they’ve heard so much about
TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve hear…
Local legend Can’t Count Johnson dies at the age of 375
MONCTON – Can’t Count Johnson has passed on at the ripe old self-reported age of 375. Possibly the oldest man ever to live, Johnson got the nickname ‘Can’t Count’ due to his inability to d…
