Elon Musk close to fulfilling conditions of eccentric uncle’s will to spend 45 B$ without giving it away

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …

‘See No Covid, Hear No Covid’ strategy working about as well as expected

OTTAWA – As cases skyrocket around the country and hospitals are overwhelmed, the federal and provincial health approach of ‘see no covid, hear no covid’ has been called into qu…

Elon Musk suspended from Twitter for impersonating competent businessman

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s Twitter account was briefly suspended for violating the site’s new parody guidelines after he was discovered tweeting in the guise of a “successful entrepreneur.” The …

Which of these boiled hams will the Ontario Liberals choose for their next leader?

TORONTO – After a disastrous showing in the last provincial election, political analysts are eager to see which out of a growing shortlist of boiled hams the Ontario Liberal Party will choo…

Spotify Premium now lets users remove a musician’s dinner from their stomach

STOCKHOLM — Spotify founder and CEO Daniel Ek called a press conference today to announce a new feature of the music streaming site’s premium subscription tier, namely the option for users to rem…

Democrats just as shocked as you that they didn’t fuck up this election

WASHINGTON D.C. – As Democrats look poised to expand their majority in the Senate and remain competitive in the House, numerous Democratic representatives and party elders have come forward…

Zuckerberg banishes 11,000 workers to the Metaverse

MENLO PARK, CA – After disappointing results in the latest quarter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg sent out a notice to his workforce that the company is expelling 11,000 employees from corporeal…

We’ve all gotta start somewhere! This woman just googled “news”

VANCOUVER – Illustrating beautifully the old adage that Rome wasn’t built in a day, local woman Anne Hill is proving that we all really do have to start somewhere after cracking her knuckle…

Americans planning to “Move to Canada” following midterms asked to please bring some children’s medicine with them

NIAGARA FALLS – While the Democrats have fared better than expected in last night’s midterm elections, Health Canada has issued a request this morning that any political refugees stil…

Dealbreaker! Date doesn’t want to watch your favourite movie

Moncton, NB – On the third date when Donald McFlagen invited potential new girlfriend, Alexandra Jakins over, he was shocked when she had no interest in watching any of his favourite movies…