PARIS – Dozens of World Leaders joined yesterday’s Charlie Hebdo solidarity march to send a message to terrorists that intimidation of media will not be tolerated, unless they are the ones doing …
World
French terrorists disappointed to discover satire doesn’t die
PARIS – With French authorities tracking them down, the gunmen who attacked a satirical news office were disheartened to discover that satire – and all other forms of gags, antics and…
Child’s wish ‘it could be Christmas today’ granted; havoc ensues
ST. JOHN’S – The entire world was thrown into chaos this week, as 6 year old Tyler Smith’s request that “I wish Christmas was already here” as he fell asleep was inexplicably and cruelly granted,…
Wal-Mart declares in-store murder legal on Black Friday
BENTONVILLE, AR – Based on the success of the recent Purge film series, retail giant Walmart has announced that, on Black Friday, all crimes, including murder, that are committed in Walmart…
Global warming causes last of Dali clocks to melt
NEW YORK, NY – A wealth of statistical evidence has impelled scientists at Columbia University to blame man-made climate change on the liquefication of the final clock in Salvador Dalí’s renowned…
Lost tribes of Amazon now ordering from Amazon
ENVIRA RIVER, BRAZIL — In a statement yesterday, representatives from the Ashaninka tribe located in a remote region of the Amazon rainforest announced to reporters that they had begun ordering i…
Everything fixed after Canadian forces in Iraq for 2 months
BAGHDAD – Despite worries from opposition leaders and high-ranking military officers that the mission would spiral well beyond its initial timeframe, the presence of Canadian special forces…
Forbes names Putin ‘World’s Most Powerful Fuckface’
NEW YORK – Thanks to a year of swaggering, unapologetic dickheaded-ness, Forbes magazine has named Vladimir Putin as the World’s Most Powerful Fuckface for the 2nd year in a row. “Whether o…
Stock market soars after banking cartel promises to keep pretending economy is real
Investors poured cash into the markets as central bank leaders from around the world met this week and announced that they would continue to maintain the illusion that the economic system was som…
ISIS recruitment campaign targets angry gamers with promise of real life war on women
SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Following the GamerGate controversy and the use of online bullying and threats of violence against female game makers and journalists, ISIS has begun seeking recruits i…
