OTTAWA – Doppelgangers Marc Dalton and Scott Aitchison recently entered the already crowded Conservative party leadership race, prompting frantic Canadian reporters to wonder how they would…
Politics
Vanilla yogurt holds slight lead in Conservative leadership opinion polls
OTTAWA – A rather bland Conservative leadership candidate has gained a slight lead in opinion polls, according to the latest survey data. Leger polling suggests a tub of vanilla yogurt is enjoyin…
Poilievre counters “obnoxious nerd” image by revealing he’s into bitcoin
OTTAWA – In order to combat his well-known public image as an “insufferable know-it-all geek”, Conservative leadership hopeful Pierre Poilievre has revealed that he is also very into crypto…
With Jackson hearings underway, Republicans regret squandering their supply of evil
LOCATION REDACTED ― The secret meeting of national Republican politicians was interrupted this week by the undisputed mastermind of American villainy, who was reportedly furious at his underlings…
Conservatives warn Liberal-NDP deal is “backdoor socialism”, “handjob democracy” and “salad-tossing representation”
OTTAWA – Following the announcement of a plan for the NDP to support Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government until 2025, Conservative MPs ar warning the deal will surely lead to “backdoor socia…
Erin O’Toole ousted to make way for new CPC leader: this Fuck Trudeau flag
OTTAWA – Conservative Party leader Erin O’Toole has been removed in a caucus revolt, and will be replaced by a “Fuck Trudeau” flag that one of the MPs found outside Parliament Hill. The sec…
Green Party looking for couch to crash on
OTTAWA – With the Green Party potentially shuttering its head office as it struggles with insolvency, sources report that it will be looking for a couch to crash on until it can get back on its f…
New Conservative Party variant raises concerns
OTTAWA – A team of high level health officials are currently tracking a newly-discovered variant of the Conservative Party of Canada. The new variant was first detected among a caucus of Co…
Cabinet Shakeup: Meet the new ministers whose names you won’t encounter again until they screw up so badly it makes the news
OTTAWA – It’s a busy period for Canadians. Halloween is approaching, Christmas is less than two months away, and Canada is still in the grips of a deadly pandemic that’s crippling our econo…