OTTAWA – The RCMP are reassuring Canadians that a man in buffalo horns seen storming the Canadian capital earlier this month was not in fact a right-wing insurrectionist, but an actual buff…
Politics
Doug Ford to reopen high schools after pressure from vodka cooler lobby
Caledon, ON – Doug Ford announced that secondary schools in Toronto, Peel Region, and York Region will resume in-person instruction February 16th, a move many believe was spurred by mountin…
Trudeau frustrated that now he has to govern rather than just look good in comparison
OTTAWA – Aides report that, in the light of Joe Biden becoming president of the United States, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is growing frustrated that he is now expected to actually govern…
Julie Payette: I’m so sorry that my staffers are all a bunch of pussies
OTTAWA – Following news accounts of a scathing independent report into her workplace behaviour, Julie Payette resigned yesterday as Canada’s Governor General and released a public resignati…
Mitch McConnell bites hand that no longer feeds him
WASHINGTON, DC – In a stunning show of bravery Mitch McConnell has publicly blamed President Trump for the January 6th Capitol riots, effectively biting the hand that’s fed him for the past…
Poll finds 100% of liberal voters would vote NDP if they thought it had a chance at winning
TORONTO ― An Ipsos poll released today found that 100% of voters who identified themselves as having voted Liberal in the last federal election had strategically voted that way. Of the 2400 parti…
“I refuse to live in fear of COVID,” says woman who lives in fear of socialism
St. Catharines, ON – Amid the second wave of the COVID-19 pandemic, 49-year-old Ontario resident Shirley Mills has informed family and friends that she refuses to live in fear of the virus,…
Conservative Party demands MPs give back all the pro-Trump paraphernalia they handed out
OTTAWA – All Conservative MPs have been ordered to return all MAGA hats, t-shirts, bracelets, and other types of pro-Trump gear that was distributed by the party before the US Presidential …
Bloc Leader caught visiting foreign country of Canada
QUEBEC – Bloc Québécois Leader Yves-François Blanchet has been accused of repeatedly visiting the foreign country of Canada during numerous lockdowns issued by Quebec. Blanchet allegedly vi…
Explorers discover uncharted tropical island populated entirely by Canadian politicians
SOMEWHERE OFF THE COAST OF CUBA – Explorers have stumbled upon an entirely uncharted island between Cuba and Jamaica with a population that consists solely of Canadian politicians on holida…
