WATERLOO, ON – A local allegedly grand piano has been revealed to just be fine. Owner Marsha Jameson made the discovery this past week after sitting down to play the instrument for her first time…
Dumb Week
Chaperone at Satanist school dance reminds students to leave space for Lucifer
VANCOUVER – Students attending the Unholiday Dance at Our Lady of Infernal Evil’s Satanist School have just been reminded by a volunteer chaperone to “Leave space for Lucifer” while slow da…
Bagel Bites continue to outsell Bagel Chewed
Miami Florida- This morning the Kraft Heinz Corporation, who produce the beloved snack Bagel Bites announced that they will be discontinuing the deeply unpopular alternative, Bagel Chewed. Bagel…
Maximise your RRSP contribution by distracting your banker and then changing a bunch of numbers on their computer
TORONTO – As another tax season approaches, financial experts suggest that the best way to prepare for retirement is to sneak a bunch of new numbers into your bank’s database and hope for the bes…
Slinky tired of bending over backwards for your entertainment
CHICAGO, IL – Last Friday, after being pushed down an escalator and forced to perform for hours on end, Slinky reached its breaking point. “I’m tired of bending over backwards f…
Researchers discover rare breed of Canadian tuxedo cat
GUELPH, ON – The scientific community celebrated a groundbreaking discovery this week, with researchers uncovering the existence of a Canadian tuxedo cat. The feline in question, whom researchers…
Defective Vorpal Blade goes Snacker-Snick
WONDERLAND – In a shocking move Wednesday, L. Carroll Enterprises, manufacturer of the popular Vorpal Blade line of self-defence devices, has issued a product-wide recall after a large batch of b…
Boq tuah! Here’s how that weird little guy from Wicked likes his oral
MUNCHKINLAND – Wonder no more, Wicked fans: Boq, the weirdest little guy at Dear Old Shiz University has released a statement detailing exactly how he likes to spit on that Ozian thang, and…
Lock tuah! Why you should always use two-factor authentication
Have you ever been told about 2-factor authentication – that is, voluntarily providing 2 methods of identification when logging into an account, like a password and a text message code R…
Sock tuah! Lost knee high finally found in lint trap
REGINA – A local woman is celebrating tonight after finding her long lost work sock in the last place she looked – the lint trap of her dryer. “There’s really only a few places that m…
