TORONTO – Millions of children across the globe woke up early to open their annual Christmas performance reports from Corporate Santa. Anxious youngsters, both naughty and nice, were judged…
Business
Vibranium stocks tumble as U.S. raises tariffs on Wakanda
NEW YORK – Vibranium stocks and vibranium-rich mutual funds took a nosedive this morning as the United States announced a new series of tariffs on the tiny East African nation of Wakanda. T…
Office holiday party finally gives co-workers chance to spend more time together
Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers. “Oh man finally,” s…
Phone companies required to block scams except scams by phone companies called ‘deals’
TORONTO – Canada’s telecommunication providers are now required to have systems that prevent scammers from contacting and fleecing their clients unless it’s done by the phone company. Accor…
Juul unveils wrongful-death-lawsuit flavoured pods
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following this past week’s announcement that Juul Labs would be discontinuing their top-selling mint e-cigarette pods, the company has revealed its plans to release wron…
Boeing unveils new jet that looks suspiciously like two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat
SEATTLE, WA – Boeing unveiled a new aircraft today that some analysts are concerned is actually just two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat. The embattled manufacturer has been under mounting pressu…
Air Canada invokes notwithstanding clause to overturn Air Passenger Bill of Rights
OTTAWA – On the day the landmark Air Passenger Bill of Rights came into effect Canada’s largest airliner, Air Canada, announced it would be invoking the Notwithstanding Clause portion of th…
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
Shoppers Drug Mart launches PC Opium Points program
BRAMPTON, ON — Shoppers Drug Marts across the country have begun rolling out promotions for their new “PC Opium Points Points” program — a groundbreaking initiative that offers redeemable points …
Canada’s Wonderland opens tallest, longest rollercoaster line on Earth
VAUGHAN, ON- Stretching as far as the eye can see, this season, Canada’s Wonderland has opened the world’s longest, tallest, biggest and steepest line to a rollercoaster than any other line…
