AIRDRIE, AB – In a harrowing ordeal that serves as a trenchant insight into the alienation fundamental to the human condition, Charles Sharp’s wing wang is currently jammed in a 23 pound watermel…
Books
J.K. Rowling’s new book imagines a fantasy world where she is right about trans people
EDINBURGH, UK – Author J.K. Rowling, who has previously dreamt up a world of wizards and magic in the Harry Potter series, has stretched the bounds of imagination in order to conjure up a n…
Amid J.K. Rowling controversy, local woman can finally admit she has never read any Harry Potter books
HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Pot…
Droves of desperate people breaking into closed libraries to get hit of book smell
VANCOUVER – Months after libraries closed to the public in order to help stop the spread of COVID-19, librarians are sounding the alarm about increasing waves of break-ins caused by people …
Trudeau instructs Canadarm to extend middle finger every time it orbits over Alberta
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 12, 1981 143 KM ABOVE THE EARTH – In a move that has furthe…
Study: Canadians unable to identify what a book is unless it has a ‘Heather’s Pick’ sticker
TORONTO – A groundbreaking new study from the University of Toronto has found that Canadians are unable to identify what a book is unless it has been ordained by Heather Reisman, CEO of Ind…
New prime minister to be paid 30% less in salary
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. June 25th, 1993 OTTAWA – Canada’s first female prime minister, Kim C…
Winnipeg strikers demand casual Fridays
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. May 15th, 1919 WINNIPEG – Thousands of striking workers have paralyz…
Local woman overcome with guilt after returning library book unread
CALGARY – Reading is known as a means of escape from the harshness of reality, but for one local woman who wishes to remain anonymous, a ticking clock turned her dream of a pleasant diversi…
Vimy Ridge: Canada becomes a nation after killing Germans for Britain on French soil
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. April 9, 1917 VIMY, FRANCE – Following more than a century of strugg…