HALIFAX, N.S. – Following controversial comments made by J.K. Rowling on the validity of trans women, 36 year old Heather Markowski can finally admit she has never read any of the Harry Potter books.
“I’ve never really understood the point of stories about wizards or magic. The fact that so many people could support something I just couldn’t wrap my around was surprising. I managed to keep my comments to myself for over 20 years, but not anymore,” said Markowski.
After years of silently listening to her friends and family discuss their mutual appreciation of the beloved book series, Markowski is now free to speak her truth on the books.
“You expect me to believe this boy, who was never a wizard before, is suddenly a wizard because an ogre named Dumbo shows up to his house and tells him he is? Then he runs into a wall and enters a wizard parallel universe where witch hats organise you into an arbitrary class system?” asked Markowski. “I just don’t think J.K. Rowling, is someone whose beliefs we should be trusting” she continued about the author, who is sometimes known to identify as Robert Galbraith.
Markowski plans to spend her week explaining to friends and family why the series is fundamentally incorrect, based on her own human experience, and nothing else. After all, it perpetuates the mistaken idea that there exists a world where everyone, regardless of their differences, can be accepted for exactly who they are.
According to Markowski’s mother, June Feldman, this type of unsolicited ranting isn’t uncommon for her daughter. “She just likes to speak her mind, whether we care for it or not. You know, she writes stories about living on a planet in another galaxy. It doesn’t matter to her that that’s scientifically impossible, because you know, wizards.”
At press time, Markowski prepared a Powerpoint presentation to outline why she also refuses to read Lord of the Rings because the word “Hobbit” wasn’t technically a word when the book was first published.