LAS VEGAS – Las Vegas now knows the T-Mobile Arena will be the next derelict building after NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced the city will be getting an expansion hockey team for the…
Tories: Assault on Muslim would never had happened if attacker had access to barbaric practices hotline
OTTAWA – The Official Opposition has claimed that an attack on a Muslim woman in a London, Ontario grocery store could have been prevented if the accused had access to a Barbaric Cultural P…
Crest introduces new yellowing strips for a more mature look
NEW YORK – Oral hygiene and toothpaste maker Crest has unveiled its new yellowing strips in attempt to woo consumers who want that perfect, aging smile. Crest Yellowing Strips and its new t…
Gawker bankruptcy delays inevitable release of Trump dick pic
NEW YORK – In the wake of a $140 million dollar judgement stemming from a lawsuit against former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, Gawker Media has been forced to file for Chapter 11 Bankru…
Canada gives standing O as Howe makes one last trip to the box
SASKATOON, SK – The entire nation of Canada took to its feet this week to deliver a standing ovation as Gordie Howe, better known as ‘Mr. Hockey,’ made his final trip to the box. Howe was assesse…
Introducing iCared, an app that will write your heartfelt celebrity death posts for you
PALO ALTO, CA – In response to a busy year of celebrity deaths, Google has announced the release of iCared, an app that allows users to instantly share unique, personal remembrances the moment a …
Rideau Street collapses under weight of bathroom lineup for Byward Market McDonalds
OTTAWA – City of Ottawa engineers have determined that the sinkhole on Rideau Street was caused by the weight of the multitudes lined up to use the restroom at the McDonalds leading into th…
New Brunswick’s Minister of Celtic Affairs promises protection from Roman invaders
FREDERICTON – Drawing her long sword into the air, newly appointed Celtic Affairs Minister has promised the Celtic people of her province protection from the Roman invasion, which threatens…
Whitehorse house sitters unionize, demand better perks from fridges
WHITEHORSE – The House Sitters Association of Yukon (HAY) Local 304 ratified its collective agreement over the weekend, a move welcomed by HAY President Pascale Morin and its more than four…
Couple spends romantic evening fighting over Netflix
PICTON, ON—With nothing standing between them and a relaxed, quiet evening at home, Shelly and Jordan Douglas chose instead to spend three fractious hours passionately arguing about what to watch…