In a move that is being referred to as “heroic,” “inspiring,” and “well-intended,” cisgender ally Nicholas Carter reassured trans people today that if they just hang in there for another ten year…
Humane society seizes Brendan Lemieux for biting
NEW YORK – The Humane Society has seized Los Angeles Kings forward Brendan Lemieux for biting another player last Saturday. The 25-year-old American breed was taken away by dog handlers usi…
Terrorist murderer found not guilty by jury of his peers
KENOSHA, Wis. – Terrorist murderers breathed a sigh of relief today upon the news that a jury composed of twelve terrorism and murder sympathizers found terrorist murderer Kyle Rittenhouse …
Ottawa LRT restarts after taping 6 buses together
OTTAWA – After a closure lasting nearly 2 months, Ottawa transit officials have restarted the LRT’s Confederation line after taping several transit buses together and placing them on the tr…
Saskatchewan demands to be recognized as a nation whose main export is ICU patients
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has unilaterally declared his province a nation within a nation whose main export are people waiting for intensive care in a better-equipped province…
Ford sends unvaccinated hospital workers to long term care facilities to free up more beds
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has backtracked on his government’s promise to suspend unvaccinated health care workers and will, instead, send them to long term care facilities to free up more…
Feds to lower flags to quarter-mast on Remembrance Day
OTTAWA – Heritage Canada has announced all Canadian flags will be lowered to quarter mas or “just above shoulder-level” for Remembrance Day. “Instead of making a complicated decision on whe…
Education Minister clarifies he would have normally fired 50,000 education workers for non-COVID reasons
TORONTO – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce explained that he would have made Ontario’s education system “more efficient” by cutting 50,000 education jobs, but enforcing a vaccine …