Strap yourself in, because this is really something! In an inspirational departure from the norm, it appears local man Seth Kellerson is very angry and expressing that anger on the internet. Trul…
Why The Beaverton Corporation should absorb the CBC for nutrients
BY KEVIN DOWSE, BEAVERTON CORPORATION LACKEY It’s a battle as old as time: the CBC wages war on hard-working corporations, all while getting fat suckling at the teat of Mother Taxpayer. I used to…
BREAKING: Elite squad of super pharmacists fills prescription in just 90 minutes
COBOURG, ON – Reports have emerged that an elite team of the country’s finest pharmacists have somehow managed to fill a customer’s prescription after a wait of only an hour and a half. “It…
FIFA reminds Trump to leave corruption, racism to the professionals
LONDON – In light of Donald Trump’s travel ban, FIFA president Gianni Infantino has said that the US could be prevented from hosting a future World Cup should the president continue to encr…
“Regular Al” Yankovic writes yet another normal hit
A SENSIBLE DISTANCE FROM HOLLYWOOD – The latest song from universally-acknowledged recording artist “Regular Al” Yankovic has middled out at a respectable 23 on the Billboard music ch…
Local man tired of warnings from time-travelling future selves
KENORA, ON – Reckless adventure-lover Devon Howard has grown tired of the ominous warnings personally delivered to him by various time-travelling versions of his future self. The visits fir…
Child’s New Year’s resolution to become ninja robot alarmingly successful
WINDSOR, ON – The parents of six-year-old Anthony Parker are both proud and shocked at the speed with which he achieved one of his New Year’s resolutions: “to become a big ninja robot.” Sou…
Trump cabinet unable to hide boners while signing anti-abortion order
WASHINGTON D.C. – Despite arranging themselves strategically around the oval office desk, and posturing their hands in a shielding fashion, Donald Trump and the majority of his cabinet were…
Local cuck happily married
WINNIPEG – Despite reports confirming that local librarian Richard Gordon is a complete beta cuck, further evidence has recently emerged that he is in a happy and healthy marriage of severa…
Adorable! Five puppies who are sick of being your emotional crutch
All puppies are cute. But these five have a certain je ne sais quoi that really makes them cry out “Stop making me the symbol of all the love you haven’t received!” Whether it’s their sweet, high…