BEVERLY HILLS – Tonight’s 74th annual Golden Globes award ceremony experienced an awkward hiccup earlier tonight when host Jimmy Fallon introduced a surprise guest, president-elect Donald T…
Local family horrified to realize Jingle All The Way has become holiday tradition
KAMLOOPS – After several years, the MacPherson family have ruefully acknowledged that, at some point, they will feel compelled to watch Jingle All The Way as part of their annual holiday ce…
President-elect Trump visited by, deports, three Christmas ghosts
MANHATTAN – President-elect Donald Trump has reported being visited by, and subsequently ordering the deportation of, the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Yet To Come. The visitations…
Utensil formerly known as “The Good Knife” stripped of title
RED DEER – Stunning observers in the Stephenson kitchen, The Good Knife has unceremoniously been forced to relinquish its title. The shocking loss of status occurred yesterday before dinner…
BREAKING: Standing Rock protesters win anti-pipeline victory, ruining 2016’s perfect misery streak
STANDING ROCK, ND — The Army Corp of Engineers has announced they will deny permits for the Dakota Access Pipeline, representing a victory for the Standing Rock protesters and a lone bright…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
Facebook introduces ‘Life Achievement Filter’ to block friends’ happiness
PALO ALTO – Facebook has announced a new setting that will keep user’s timelines free of friends’ posts regarding engagements, promotions, and trips to the gym. “We know what our users want…
This year’s poppies “extra stabby” to help Canadians appreciate soldiers’ sacrifice
OTTAWA – Representatives from the Royal Canadian Legion have confirmed that their newly-redesigned poppies were built for optimal pointiness, size, and “gouge-ability”, to help Canadians be…
Male injection recipients complain after becoming first humans to ever suffer side effects from birth control
Geneva, Switzerland – Following a clinical trial of an injectable male contraceptive, the male scientists and male test subjects involved have announced that they are the first human beings…
Local woman relieved she can stop meaning to figure out what Vine is
ST. JOHN’S – With the announcement that Twitter will shut down its popular video sharing app Vine, local woman Angela MacIsaac, 31, has expressed relief that she no longer feels obligated t…
