QUEEN’S PARK – As Ontario becomes the last province to sign a deal on the Federal Government’s $10-per-day child-care plan, Premier Doug Ford took credit for achieving his sole negotiating …
Canada eager to find out what this “World Cup” is they’ve heard so much about
TORONTO – With Canada’s Men’s Soccer Team beating Jamaica 4-0 in a qualifying match, the entire nation is reportedly curious to discover what this so-called “World Cup” is that they’ve hear…
Conservatives warn Liberal-NDP deal is “backdoor socialism”, “handjob democracy” and “salad-tossing representation”
OTTAWA – Following the announcement of a plan for the NDP to support Justin Trudeau’s Liberal government until 2025, Conservative MPs ar warning the deal will surely lead to “backdoor socia…
Doug Ford informs School Boards they can have mask mandates if they go to Private Schools
QUEEN’S PARK – After appearing to reject the Toronto District School Board’s request to extend mask mandates, Premier Ford clarified that they can keep the mandates provided they begin atte…
New Pixar movie details fantastical story of being able to afford living in Toronto
TORONTO – Pixar Studios’ latest animated adventure, Turning Red, details the whimsical and outlandish story of a family who are able to afford a house in the downtown Toronto core. Turning …
Putin treats himself to a few war crimes he’s had his eye on
MOSCOW – Following yet another exhausting year of ruling with brutal autocracy, Russian President Vladimir Putin has reportedly decided to reward himself with a few war crimes – namel…
New York Times reports “Prime Minister Bonhomme orders Mounties to open fire on protestors in Celine Dion Square”
NEW YORK – Following this week’s police action in the capital city, the New York Times has reported that Canada’s head of state, the honorable Prime Minister Bonhomme, declared martial law …
Family of NFT enthusiast just wish he’d go back to cult
VANCOUVER – Family members of Adam Newsom, 27, have reportedly become nostalgic for the days when all he talked about was his cult, as opposed to his current obsession of NFTs. “I remember …
Ford insists he’s not dropping vaccine passport to appease convoy, he’s doing it to appease daughter
QUEEN’S PARK – During a press conference to announce that he would be ending Ontario’s proof of vaccination system, Premier Ford clarified that he is not doing this to capitulate to the ang…
Windsor blockade cleared after police deploy radical tactic of doing literally anything
WINDSOR, ON – A days-long protest on the Ambassador Bridge between Canada and the USA has come to a swift end after police employed the heretofore unimaginable tactic of doing their jobs ev…
