Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek. …
Guy who’s about to puke really selling this “not gonna to puke” thing
London, Ontario – Western University student Kyle Layton gave the performance of his life at a kegger near his dormitory last night convincing the other party goers he was not going to puke…
Nine percent rise in gas prices forces CEO to triple own salary
Irving, Texas – CEOs from oil and gas companies are suffering just like the rest of us, so much so that in light of rising inflation and “other stuff,” they’ve been forced to triple their y…
New Grand Theft Auto game allows players to make website that rates women, destabilizes democracy for profit
NEW YORK – Rockstar Games has announced their next instalment of the successful Grand Theft Auto video game series will allow players to create a website that rates the attractiveness of wo…
Last weekend was the Juno Awards and we forgot but here’s what might have happened
Toronto, Ontario (Probably) – The Juno Awards happened last weekend and we swear we were totally going to watch it but we didn’t, so here’s a roundup of what probably happened! So first, Ju…
Opinion: I don’t think you should have rights, but that’s no reason to be mean to me
Jasper, TX – Back in my day, we could talk politics in an objective and fair way. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any kind of civil unrest or movement in the last 50 years in this count…
Oscars pledge to have more diversity in styles of fighting at next year’s ceremony
Los Angeles, CA – After receiving heavy criticism for a lack of diversity at this year’s ceremonies, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has pledged to include a larger variety …
Man who “can’t relate” to Turning Red loves Star Wars
TORONTO – Local man Terrance Matthews has reported to his friends that he couldn’t relate to Turning Red’s main character while still deeply relating to Luke Skywalker from Star Wars. “The…
Friend insists you gotta watch first 17 seasons of TV show before it gets good
NETFLIX, Internet – Your friend just scolded you for giving up the show he wanted you to watch after you reported only watching the first three seasons and not liking it. “Dude, you didn’t …
Batman has been out for a week, isn’t it time for a reboot?
Los Angeles, CA – After a very long week in theatres, there’s only one question on people’s minds, who is going to play Batman next? With the public’s ravenous appetite for reboots and reva…