TORONTO – Yet another scandal rocked the Provincial Government today, when allegations surfaced that Kathleen Wynne blew millions of taxpayer dollars on lavish subterranean limousines for the Tor…
Doug Ford sticking it to downtown elites by not having a platform or really any ideas
TORONTO – PC leader Doug Ford has continued to stand up for the little guy by having literally no plan for the province’s future. “Folks, those elites want to know if I’m going to slash hea…
New Amazon service will deliver baseball bat directly to your union rep’s knees
PALO ALTO – After Amazon Key revolutionized home delivery by allowing strangers into your house, the retail giant has launched a new service promising to permanently change the way your uni…
16 years after Gangs of New York, Daniel Day-Lewis still refusing to drop character as Bill the Butcher
NEW YORK – Proving his dedication to the craft of acting, Daniel Day-Lewis is still roaming the streets of New York city with a cleaver, even though principal photography on Gangs of New Yo…
West Ontario ekes out curling win against East Southern Southwest Ontario
PORT COLBORNE, ON – Gutting out an underdog victory in an emotionally-charged nail-biter of a game, West Ontario has out-curled their arch-rivals, East Southern Southwest Ontario. “Tough ga…
Progress: The new Toronto Police cruiser no longer comes painted with the Confederate flag
Finally. After months of public pressure, the Toronto Police have finally announced their new police cruisers will no longer come painted with the Dixieland Stars and Bars. “The public seems to f…
Magician’s vanishing assistant leaves skeleton behind
DEER CREVICE, ON – In a new twist on a classic illusion, one local magician has somehow managed to vanish his lovely assistant, but not her skeleton. “Yes, I am an excellent magician,” said…
Rogue cop bucks system by going to jail after shooting teen
TORONTO – After a fatal encounter with an unarmed teenager, one renegade cop is bucking the system by actually going to jail for the crime. “I called him in and demanded that he not give me…
New iPhone comes pre-loaded with details of your family’s dark secrets
SILICON VALLEY – In a paradigm-changing announcement, Apple has confirmed that the new version of the iPhone will come already knowing everything there is to know about the unpleasant thing…
Charlie Angus admits he’s the NDP Candidate in bed with the Muslim Brotherhood
TIMMINS, ON – After Jagmeet Singh’s recent event was interrupted by an islamophobe accusing him of colluding with the Muslim Brotherhood, rival NDP candidate Charlie Angus has admitted he i…