Vaccine season is finally here! Have you ever wondered which big pharma company made the perf vaccine for your astrological sign? We did hella research and here’s what we found out: Aries, Leo,…
“Wearing a mask infringes on my rights,” says local woman who doesn’t vote
ST. CATHARINES, ON – Local woman Meghan Landon attended an anti-mask protest this past Monday where she proclaimed her dislike for the government-imposed law, despite having never voted in …
Local father relies on tattoo to remind himself of children’s names
CALGARY, AB – Local resident, George Bronson, recently got a large chest tattoo to commemorate his beautiful children, which will also serve as a daily reminder of whatever-the-hell their n…
“I want to go to grad school” recognized as a cry for help by the W.H.O.
LONDON, ON- After years of examining the connections between sanity and higher education, chief scientists at the World Health Organization have declared the act of attending grad school an indic…
Petite woman excited to flaunt child-sized mask
MISSISSAUGA, ON- 5’1” woman Alexandra Vega cannot be more eager to tell the world that she yet again is not like other girls, because adult-sized masks are too large for her perfectly small and f…
Local hamster celebrates eight months in social isolation
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Local hamster, Peaches Whitaker, took a moment to celebrate eight months of social isolation, spending her entire life thus far in a tiny plastic cage. “Eight-months baby!…