BURNABY, B.C. – After much deliberation, Simon Fraser University President Joy Johnson announced that the university has renamed itself to “Students Failed to get into the University of British Columbia”, effective immediately.
“This name change not only reflects our core values, but the reality of the student body on campus,” said Johnson as she announced the change. The administration later clarified that they will be keeping the ‘SFU’ branding, just with “Students Failed to get into” printed atop a greatly emblazoned, ‘UBC.’
“Me and almost all of my friends applied for both UBC and SFU, but we only got in here,” explains Elizabeth Morgan, a biology major. “Plus, we all had multiple scholarships and bursaries offered, even ones we didn’t apply for. But, I think I’ll still try transferring to UBC after a year or two here.”
As part of the name change, Johnson said that students will be able to enjoy that their diplomas technically say ‘University of British Columbia’ on them. “Our law school told us this was a good idea, but it’s not a very good law school,” said Johnson. “However, should students prefer differently, we’re excited to announce exchange programs with fellow top rate Canadian universities Wilfrid Laurier, York, and Concordia.”
“With this change, we’re trying to invite professors and other academics to teach at an institution also has ‘University of British Columbia’ in it’s name,” said Mary O’Brien, dean of graduate studies. “But if this is unsuccessful, we’re happy to announce that we’re also investing in infrastructure that will allow us to livestream lectures from UBC directly into the lecture halls here at SFU.”
When asked about SFU’s rebranding, a spokesperson from McGill University asked, “Wait, British Columbia has universities?”
SFU also announced they will be implementing new signage around their three campuses inscribed with: “British Columbia’s most prestigious university for those who couldn’t get into British Columbia’s most prestigious university.”
