OTTAWA – Local man Pierre Poilievre, an employee at an Ottawa small business named the House of Commons, was surprised that none of the colleagues who despise him were willing to support him with his proposal for q4 strategies.
“I didn’t even listen to his ‘carbon tax election’ plan if I’m being honest,” said one colleague from the NDP department. “Why would I follow the recommendations of a guy who insults other people’s work, talks over us when we try to give presentations and always acts like he knows more than everyone else just because he’s been working here forever.”
“Plus he cooks fish in the break room microwave!”
Other employees at the office agreed that Poilievre’s determination to come across as a less likeable Dwight Schrute scuppered his plans before they ever had a chance.
“Honestly I’m sick of the current regime and I’m all for a leadership change. But give more power to the nasal voiced prick who I’m pretty sure stole my stapler? I don’t think so,” said Bloc supervisor Yves-Francois Blanchet.
Poilievre however remained shocked and defiant.
“Once they understand what I’m trying to do I’m sure all have their support. To help my case I’m going to send a company wide email with the subject line ‘As per my last email’ and a read notification on. That’ll do the trick.”
At press time Poilievre was suggesting a mandatory team bonding trip to an escape room.
