OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that, beginning on January 1, 2025, all renditions of O Canada played anywhere in the country will be required to start with 15 seconds of unskippable advertisements.
“Honestly, it’s not as bad as it sounds. Any time the Canadian anthem is played – whether that’s at a sports game, a school assembly, or when the patrons at Durty Nelly’s Irish Pub want to sing something but everyone’s tired of ‘Barrett’s Privateers’ – the federal government must be notified so that we can sell up to 15 seconds of unskippable ad time before anyone starts in on any true patriot love,” said Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland.
“Failure to deliver or listen to the ad is punishable by a fine of up to $5000, and up to a six-month term as the official spokesperson for SkipTheDishes,” continued Freeland. “We understand that not everyone will agree with this, but since you people won’t stop whining about wanting housing and healthcare and food for your children, you’ve left us little choice.”
Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre has harshly criticized the move, stating that he is strongly against the ads and also that he believes they should be longer.
“If the Canadian public is listening, I want to make it very clear that I am against putting any kind of advertisement before the national anthem. I believe that the Trudeau government has made a complete mockery of one of our most important national symbols even by suggesting it,” said Pierre Poilievre. “And if my business friends are listening, I obviously believe that there should be at least thirty seconds of ads before the anthem, with all of the profits going to privately-held companies.”
When reached for further comment, the federal government clarified that ads must be sold whether the anthem was sung in English or French, but that the French ads would be much weirder.
