WINDSOR — Crisis was averted over the weekend when local cashier Jennifer Pratt successfully convinced her mother that the ashtray in her living room is for guest use only.
“Usually I’m meticulous about prepping for a visit from mom,” said Jennifer, who’s been a smoker for more than a decade. “I vacuumed, recycled all my empties, and hung up a bunch of the cringey wood signs she’s gifted me over the years, but the ashtray just slipped my mind. Rookie mistake.”
Upon entering the apartment, Jennifer’s mother Dorothy immediately made a beeline for the glass ashtray and demanded an explanation.
“I told her it was for decorative purposes, like those bowls of wicker balls she keeps in every room of her house,” said Jennifer. “She started sniffing all my throw pillows though, so I had to pivot.”
Jennifer suggested the smoky smell was from a tobacco-scented candle, but Dorothy’s keen knowledge of candle fragrances quickly shot down the excuse.
After several more probing questions, Jennifer admitted that the ashtray was “just for guests,” at which point Dorothy demanded a full list of their names and addresses.
With all other options exhausted, Jennifer was forced to throw her childhood friend, Amy Macklin, under the bus.
“I hated to do it, but Amy still owes me one for that time at the bar when I said I had a migraine so that she could get out of talking to a guy in a fedora. Plus, her parents are both dead, so I figured she wouldn’t care.”
Much to Jennifer’s relief, her mother bought it.
“It sickens me to hear that Amy has taken up such a filthy habit, although I can’t say I’m surprised — she’s always been a bit of a bad seed,” said Dorothy, rolling up her sleeves to start preparing dinner. “I’m just thankful my Jenny isn’t the one putting that awful poison into her body. Now, who’s ready for a slab of my famous hot dog casserole?”
