ABBOTSFORD, BC – After a minutes-long battle with the lid of a pickle jar, local husband and father Ron Sanchez finally succumbed this past Thursday, at home, surrounded by friends and loved ones.
“He said, ‘I have to do this for my family.’ We all knew it was stage five kosher, but he never batted an eye.” said Linda, Sanchez’ oldest daughter. “He was so brave.”
Sanchez initially refused treatment, saying that using the bottom of his shirt “wouldn’t really improve my chances.”
The family’s spirits were briefly raised when he finally agreed to let specialists run the jar under some hot water, but were dealt a second shock when the procedure only caused the lid to become too slippery to grasp.
“I’m worried it’s genetic,” said Sanchez’ younger daughter, Jean. “I remember when my grandfather was struggling with clamshell packaging. Nothing helped, not even Chemo.”
Sanchez is survived by his wife, daughters, and by himself, because it’s not like not being unable to open the jar of pickles killed him, or anything.
