Newmarket, ON – A local man’s mouth has frozen shut after airing several grievances about the snow, wind and the near record low temperatures most of the country is experiencing today.
Evan Stokenbach, 30, was in the middle of gripping to his friend about how Mother Nature is out to personally screw him when his speech began to slur and slow down.
“He was grumbling about how he’s going to move to Florida next winter” said friend Sandra Dingwall who accompanied Stokenbach on a short walk to a local Canadian Tire. “Then he started lamenting about how his smartphone doesn’t work, his numb toes and about the ‘idiot’ meteorologists who should have reminded him of this weather event months ago.”
His jaw became completely frozen when a blast of icy, gale-force winds froze Stokenbach’s whiny, open mouth when he tried to utter the phrase “this is just ridiculous!”
At press time, local emergency services reminded citizens to keep their mouths shut and tongues a safe distance from poles.
