OTTAWA – Continuing our country’s long standing role as a global leader in humanitarian causes, the government of Canada has stepped forward and announced its support for a 5 minute water break in the ongoing Israel bombing of Gaza.
“Israel has a right to defend itself but given the thousands of people who have lost their lives including many children, we feel obliged to endorse a 5 minute break so everyone can have some water and catch their breath before Israel starts right up again,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. “Also Israel has a right to defend itself. I just want to make that clear.”
“We also would recommend opening some security checkpoints so aid workers can come in with orange slices.”
Canada has already announced plans to bring its plan to the UN, where other liberal countries have added their own suggestions like letting Palestinians “get a good stretch in” before the bombing second-half begins and maybe even grabbing a quick smoke. Unfortunately the U.S. has already announced that it would veto the whole thing after Israel expressed opposition.
“If we allow Palestinians 5 minutes to drink water and catch their breath then Hamas will simply use that time to re-supply and gather forces for another attack,” said IDF spokesperson Jason Cohen. “Besides, there isn’t enough clean water in Gaza to drink anyway.”
Still Canada remains undeterred and is vowing to find a peaceful resolution in the midst of carnage.
“As Canadians we have to stand up for what’s right. And if that means offering a small token of aid even as we financially and militarily support the country attacking you, then we are brave enough to do just that.”
