TORONTO – Thanks to Conservatives like Pierre Poilievre we know that Toronto is basically an open sewer where people shoot heroin on the street before attacking tourists with fireworks. Well this last weekend Torontonians were forced to spend their days living through this waking nightmare yet again.
“Honestly this whole city is like Gotham if Batman never came,” said local resident Steve Realman. “I would have left years ago for a real Canadian town like Calgary or one of the Saskatchewan ones if it wasn’t for work.”
“I just don’t know how people can live like this? Like do you not have any self-respect,” said Debbie Actualperson, visiting town from Barrie.
Of course it’s not just Poilievre and his supporters who are appalled by the state of Hogtown. Several people running to lead the city have described it as basically if Mad Max had a Pride Parade.
“This city is crumbling. Our streets are nothing but potholes. Our schools haven’t had any chalk for 3 years. And our transit system is the Simpsons Monorail. We need to burn it all to the ground and start over. With me in charge of course,” said Mark Saunders.
In related news Vancouver residents aren’t even able to see the Pacific Ocean anymore due to the mountain of homeless people blocking their view.
Main Image: Michael Herrera
Images in Body of Article: Deposit Photos
