TORONTO, ON – The Ontario government released a statement last week pledging harsher penalties for stunt drivers except for those who manage to pull off really gnarly car tricks that will completely exonerate them.
“If you are caught going 40 km per hour over the limit, you will have to take a mandatory driver’s reeducation course or you will lose your license, unless the traffic court rules your actions to be off the chain,” a representative of the Ministry of Transportation told the press on Friday.
“If you can drive halfway up on the wall of a tunnel to slip past another car, you clearly have too much skill to be found criminally responsible.”
In accordance with the new laws, the MTO’s Driver handbook has been updated with judicially recognized car tricks such as landing your car onto a boat, donuts, and fishtailing the vehicle with the back door open so a friend can jump into the seat. The Ministry is also adding a new Class BA license for drivers looking to become Certified Badass.
One thing that’s not clearly stated is how the new laws might factor into other charges incurred while driving dangerously but with mad skills. Oshawa Lawyer Michael Elend puts forth a few possible scenarios.
“Say you just robbed a bank and you get away from the police by jumping from one side of a bridge to another while it’s still going up. You’re still very much on the hook for armed robbery, but any reckless driving charges are gone on the spot”
“The officers might still pull you over, but only to give you fist bumps,” Elend added. “Otherwise, it might be best to do a few sweet barrel rolls to get some demerits off.”
The ministry has stated that drifting will not offer any exemptions from the increased penalties, as everyone does that during winter.
In related news, the Ministry of Transportation has also increased the penalties for driving under the influence, unless you can make the breathalyzer show 777 exactly, in which case a cash prize is issued.