PRINCE GEORGE, BC – Local precocious toddler Emma Jonasson has finally grown tall enough to reach her family’s bathroom sink, which means that not only can she wash her hands all by herself, she can also perform her favourite scene from the blood-soaked Shakespearean tragedy, MacBeth.
“It’s my favourite part,” says Emma, who turned three and a quarter last week. “When that crazy lady is trying to wash her hands, and she keeps washing them, but she can’t get the spot out, because the guilt from the murders of their political rivals has permanently stained her conscience! As a feminist, I’m very drawn to strong female roles. Basically, anything Meryl Streep would play.”
Emma’s parents, Autumn and Pierre Jonasson, both high school drama teachers, couldn’t be more proud of their youngest child.
“She’s come such a long way!” said Autumn. “It feels like just yesterday she was a little lump who couldn’t walk, only suitable to play Yorick in our after dinner recitals”
“Or one of the asps in Anthony and Cleopatra,” added Pierre. “You know, after her front teeth came in.”
It has become tradition in the Jonasson household to place chairs outside the bathroom door and watch Emma as she washes her hands before dinner and delivers all of Act V, Scene i of MacBeth, including the lines of the other characters. Afterwards the family has a postmortem when each member of the family takes a turn to give Emma one supportive comment and one constructive criticism each.
“She’s doing much better at taking notes,” whispered Autumn during Emma’s most recent performance. “She only cries a little bit now. ENUNCIATE, HONEY! THIS IS THE BARD!”
At press time, Emma had moved on to dinner, where she was reenacting Act V, Scene ii of Titus Andronicus with beefaroni.
