CALGARY – As Canadians complete their 2021 Census, former PM Stephen Harper is pretty sure it isn’t an accident that he is one of the 25% of people asked to complete the long-form version.
“Random selection my lily-white butt,” said Harper as he struggled to complete the detailed questionnaire. “Somebody clearly gave Justin my home address.”
“How am I possibly supposed to remember how many dwellings I own anyway?”
Harper cancelled the long-form census in 2014, only for it to be revived by the Liberal government following the 2015 election. Now Canadians are once again required to complete the census, which usually only takes a few moments, unless you happen to get the long-form one.
“Of course we didn’t send it to former Prime Minister Harper on purpose,” said Minister Champagne, struggling to contain his smile. “It’s total coincidence that the more difficult form was sent to him, and his entire cabinet, and Doug Ford, and my neighbour who never shovels his sidewalk in the winter.”
Back in Calgary Harper was still struggling to finish the census. “Ethnic origins of my grandparents? Why old stock Canadians of course.”
This is not the first time Harper has felt the Trudeau government used its political power to target him personally. He expressed outrage in 2018 when they re-opened a Veterans Affairs office he shuttered directly across from his house.