“I thought it would take us at least a couple months to undo Trump’s entire Presidency,” said Chief of Staff Ron Klain. “But then I realized that when the President doesn’t spend 18 hours a day watching Fox News and rage tweeting, he can get a lot more done!”
Included in the 4 hours of work Trump completed over 4 years were pardons for Steve Bannon, finishing most of a mad-lib book, and almost finding Waldo. There was also a colour by numbers book started but clearly ripped up in frustration. Biden also removed Trump’s famous button which summons diet coke, as well as a button labelled “Feed McConnell.”
Biden has responded to comments on his work ethic by saying he really hasn’t even been working that hard. “I mean, honestly most of the executive orders Trump wrote are barely legible,” said Biden. “It was less doing actual work and more just having someone actually read the things he wrote. ‘I hereby dicklar a Moslim ban fur airport places.’ This is also clearly drawn with crayons and I think this is toilet paper?”
Biden also discovered a pile labeled, “Maybe do’s” with what looks like lists of ideas like “Lasagna Pizza”, “McDonald’s in the Whitehouse”, “Younger Melania”, and “War on Saskatchewan.”
Permanent White House staff have had a hard time shifting their focus to a work environment rather than the previous entertainment oriented office. “President Trump would have us all hide while he counted to 8,” said administrative officer Amanda Faulkner. “Of course we would never actually hide, he would be very mad if he had any kind of trouble finding us. With Biden in office our jobs are really starting to feel like ‘jobs’ you know?”
Biden’s critics have noted that of the 11 days Biden has been president, absolutely none of them have been spent golfing, which Republican sources claim is important to democracy and being a good president. “How can we trust a President that doesn’t golf?” said Sean Hannity. “It’s America’s favourite pastime! Now I’m not saying that the President is skipping golf to work hard toward helping the country, but no one can prove that’s not what is happening here, proving that’s what is happening, and that is a scary thought.”
In the interest of unity, Biden has now promised Republicans that he will stop working and nap for at least four months, boosting his approval rating to an all-time high.