WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning display of bipartisanship nearly 5% of Republican Members of Congress voted to impeach the man who, exactly one week ago, sent a horde of white supremacists to kill them, their staff, and any police who got in their way.
“Today proves that, despite our ideological differences, we can still come together to do what must be done,” said GOP Rep. Lynne Cheney. “And by ‘we’ I mean of course 10 Republicans and 222 Democrats, and by ‘get things done’ I mean just barely stand up to a President who committed sedition by way of murder mob.”
“After spending years blindly ignoring things we would have nailed Obama for, for us to get this much credit now… It just makes you proud to be an American,” she added, wiping a single tear from her eye.
Though America is one of the most politically polarized countries in the world, there is still far more that unites its people than divides them, like loving one’s country, supporting the troops and, by a slim majority, believing treason and murder is bad.
“Hopefully this is the first step to reaching across the aisle and getting things done that have broad support amongst the American public,” said John Katko of New York. When asked if that would include common sense gun reforms favoured by 75% of Americans, Katko laughed and laughed and laughed.
As for the 95% of Republicans who voted to give Trump a pass on the whole ‘directly responsible for the deaths of 5 people including a police officer’ thing, they could not be reached for comment as they were too busy tweeting inflammatory comments about The Democrats censoring Conservative voices that would likely inspire the next attack.
