TORONTO – Doug Ford has remained steadfast in his claim that if there is a single sign of trouble in regards to COVID, he will shut everything down.
“Oh, you don’t want to know how willing I am,” said Doug Ford, putting his hand over his pocket as if to draw his cellphone out like a pistol.“I will start making calls so hard, I just have to hear of one, single thing getting worse with COVID in the province and BOOM, I’ll pull the brakes on this gravy train!”
As cases in Ontario continue to grow exponentially, Ford continued to deliver this promise louder at a press conference the next day. “I MEAN IT! Don’t push your luck Ontario, I will jump into action even if there is the tiniest, slightest, hint of a second wave.”
Eyewitnesses claim they saw Ford the next day wandering around Etobicoke, picking fights and daring anyone to tell him anything about COVID getting worse. As pedestrians offered to show Ontario’s premier the daily count for COVID deaths increasing, Doug Ford shoved them while yelling, “I don’t trust anything on the internet” and ran away.
At the time of reporting, Ford had sealed himself into a soundproof room with no wifi or television. Although he could not be heard, expert lip-readers say through the glass window on one side of the chamber Ford said, “I’m ready anytime, don’t know how clearer I can make that.”
When his aides drew up some posters to inform the Premier through the glass window about the new numbers, Mr. Ford appeared to curl up into a ball and go to sleep.
