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Shrivelled up remnant of soap daring...

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National
- National
- Local
- Toronto
- Montreal
- Vancouver
- North
- Campus
- University Reviews
- Canada Votes 2015
“Parents’ Rights” protestors describe what they think is being taught in schools

Singh announces that he also here

Pretending to be flight attendant closest Poilievre has been to having a real job

10 most controversial policies passed at the Conservative Party convention

Fuck! Group of teens just noticed you

White kid’s name spelled normally

“Where am I? What year is it?” asks man who just woke up from 30 minute nap

Friend has been rich this whole time

Man who hates Toronto worried Olivia Chow will ruin it

Mayor-elect Olivia Chow currently riding bike to go do donuts on Doug Ford’s lawn

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Ford warns Chow mayoralty will cause Toronto’s collapse, also cause last 13 years of collapse

Montreal rioters concerned COVID rules are destroying small businesses before they can destroy small businesses

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Montreal halts road construction until everyone can enjoy it again

Half of Osheaga too high to realize festival ended 2 days ago

Report: Killer Whales actively preparing to bring down a plane

Vancouver considers buying a second snowplow

Vancouver actor moves to L.A. to improve odds of getting cast in shows that shoot in Vancouver

Vancouver removes tents from Eastside unless they can prove they’re a weed shop

Tied Yukon election to be decided by traditional chainsaw throw

Yukon exposed to 2 cases of assholes

Yukon refuses to change clocks back in smug defiance of the will of Demeter

Rest of Canada happy to exchange NWT election results for federal one

York Professor asks for a note from a dictator before agreeing to defer student’s exam

Queen’s students argue their campus outbreak will be way better than Western’s

Gaming the system: Recent 92-year-old university grad gets to die before she pays off her debt

Western University invites David Wooderson from “Dazed and Confused” to speak at convocation

Western University mandate 3 vaccine shots, 15 Jaegermeister shots

Acadia University: The Beaverton University Reviews

Dalhousie University: The Beaverton University Reviews

OCAD University: University Reviews 2014

NDP claim Liberals stole their idea to form majority government

Sun newspapers still reporting Harper majority

90-year-old who has never voted proudly casts first ballot for Social Credit party

Conservatives unveil last minute attack ad accusing Justin of supporting Kansas City
World
India issues advisory warning travellers against assassinating people in Canada

Report: Mom not too keen on Charles

United Kingdom considered powerful nation despite needing 3 days to put hat on old man

Harry hopes publicizing struggles will help ordinary people with their own world-famous royal families

Repeat offender granted bail

Fired employee indicted for stealing from workplace

Breaking: Trump indicted for the thing you thought he was indicted for last time

“Ohh, I guess mirrors are woke now too?” claims conservative POC

Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”

Toppling of statue causes temporal rift as John A. MacDonald erased from history

Village virgin sick of donating blood to every ritual sacrifice

July 24th, 1967: French President De Gaulle calls for Quebec to surrender, await for international help for liberation
Sports
- Sports
5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website

Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year

“The Leafs re-signing their best player is bad for them actually,” says brilliant hockey sage
Business
- Business
In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them

Meeting on grocery prices stalls as CEOs send Trudeau to self-serve negotiator

To combat self-checkout theft, stores experimenting with new human cashier pilot program

Read our letter threatening to sue Mark Zuckerberg
Culture
- Culture
- Lifestyle
- Health
- Opinion
- Parenting
- Stats
- Classifieds
Writers Guild members celebrate deal by coming up with excuses to do writing later

Film with predominantly Asian cast doesn’t feature Awkwafina

Most popular TV show in each Province

Elon Musk patiently waits for Zuckerberg to leave his house so he can knock on door and run

Hero driver taps lightly on brakes before plowing into cyclist

Man saves years of accumulated time by referring to 7-Eleven as “Sev”

Man whose dick you have to suck to get a drink around here finally identified: Marty Williams of Scarborough

Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle

In event of cabin pressure change, air Canada instructs passengers to secure own mask before 360 roundhouse kicking the person next to them

Liberals support gender affirming surgery provided trans people can find a doctor

Opinion: Why do we need a cure for diabetes when I don’t have it?

REPORT: Ignoring suffering of others linked to optimism

EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage

Editorial: I protested at Trudeau’s Belleville visit and personally saw him eat six babies

Has feminism gone too far? A woman was mean to me

OPINION: I know nothing on your subject, and I’ll never concede defeat. Debate me!

5 tips for betting on NHL preseason games while your whiny children beg you for attention

EDITORIAL: Why I’m not letting my kids use social media except the YouTube channel they star in that pays our mortgage

World’s climate scientists recommend having only as many children as you plan to eat

Parent who should absolutely never have had children demands say in child’s education

93% of Canadians will never pay off their blood debts

86% of August e-mail traffic just duelling Out-Of-Office messages

2014 Canadian Federal Budget Preview

Most frequent lies found on online dating profiles

Missed Connections: You were the public urinator on Main and 5th

LOTS OF JARS FULL OF APRICOT PITS.

ESSAY WRITERS NEEDED ASAP. BIG MONEY $$$$$.

UNIVERSITY student seeking mannequin to come alive and be my girlfriend.
BeavFeed
Devastating: Woman forgets “R” in email to Pedro

Most popular TV show in each Province

Justin Trudeau and 10 other Marxists you should know

5 solutions to fix housing prices that are never, ever making them less expensive

You’re Jason Kenney. Can you find an excuse to get out of going to Calgary Pride?

You just lit off a bunch of fireworks before realizing you were in the Art Gallery of Ontario. Can you save the priceless pieces of art?

You magically turned into a bug! Can you live a happy and fulfilling life?

You have a chance to punch a Nazi. Do you take it?

Quiz: Should you watch Barbie, Oppenheimer or 2008 Canadian WWI drama Passchendaele

Quiz: Who should you vote for in Toronto’s Mayoral Race

Quiz: Who should you vote for in the Alberta Provincial Election

QUIZ: Is it a pyramid scheme or just a regular cult?

Conservatives explain why Pierre Poilievre attacking ‘globalist elites’ isn’t antisemitic

Liberals explain why they can’t do anything about the housing crisis

Canadians react to Pierre Poilievre’s “sexy” makeover

Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design

How To Go Vegan…Next Week

Guide To: Edmonton

Guide To: St.John’s

How To Lose Weight
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Shrivelled up remnant of soap daring you to use it

August 31, 2020 by Roderick Scobie ( @roderickscobie )

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