TORONTO – As racial tensions rise and the far right attacks the rights of women and the LGBTQ community local Caucasian male Robert Wiser finally feels he has been silent for long enough.
“I think it’s high time I stepped in and gave my two cents about these alleged incidents of racism, sexism, discrimination and assault on female autonomy,” explained Wiser, drawing from his vast knowledge of being white and male. “Because it’s important not to overreact until we have all the facts and the perspective of someone like me.”
Despite his earnest desire to change the world for the better, Wiser says he often faces opposition to his perfectly logical viewpoints.
“People keep telling me I shouldn’t try to talk about the life experience of persons of colour because I’m white,” said Wiser. “But let me ask you this: isn’t white a colour? Therefore, I clearly must know exactly what it’s like to be black man in Baltimore or an indigenous person in Canada.”
“As for the whole abortion debate, I just think we should let the voters decide. That’s how rights work.”
Wiser’s comments on various articles, Facebook posts, and YouTube videos are noteworthy for the knowing compassion he provides to the disenfranchised. As a white man, Wiser says he feels he understands what it’s like to be unfairly targeted by police, citing the one time he barely managed to talk himself out of a speeding ticket as an example.
“I don’t care how bad it gets out there: you should never break the law by rioting,” explains Wiser. “It’s not as if cops break the law when they kill black people. If it were against the law they’d go to jail for it.”
At press time, Wiser was asking everyone to calm down because he’s just asking questions.