DETROIT, MI – After a decades-long search, authorities have located the body of labour leader Jimmy Hoffa behind the permanent retainer wire of local 20-year-old Flora Williams.
“It’s tough to floss with one of these things in,” said Williams, picking at the orthodontic band glued in place behind her upper teeth. “I knew I hadn’t gotten back there since I ran out of floss threaders, but did I expect to find the former leader of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters in there?”
“Not really, no.”
Despite having disappeared in 1975, medical examiners have said that Hoffa’s body was in ‘reasonably good’ condition; presumably because it was protected from the effects of time by a layer of dental plaque.
“I warned Flora that something like this would happen if she tried to take control of the Union’s pension fund away from us,” said Mafia dentist Mario Sturino. “I mean, didn’t floss.”
At press time, the forensic investigation inside of Williams’ orthodontics was interrupted when a wild-eyed Amelia Earhart punched a CSI in the jaw and dragged herself out from between Flora’s second and third mandibular molars.
