TORONTO – Following a historic performance of 9 RBIs and 3 home runs, including one Grand Slam, Blue Jays slugger Edwin Encarnacion shocked the capacity crowd at Rogers Center by transmuting into a perfect beam of light.
“Oh baby! After that second dinger I was prepared for Encarnacion to do just about anything,” said play-by-play announcer Buck Martinez. “But then he drove home a Grand Slam and even managed to slough off his corporeal form, thereby re-joining the beating heart of the universe.”
“That’s Blue Jays baseball!”
Encarnacion had racked up 26 homers going into Saturday’s game, good for third-best on the team, but he is the first player this season to abandon the earthly realm for the endless plane of energy inaccessible to us, the unworthy.
“We haven’t seen anything like this since 2010 when James Shields gave up 6 home runs in a single game before simply blinking out of existence for 23 minutes,” said MLB commissioner Rob Manfred. “We aren’t sure where he went, but he hasn’t spoken since.”
At press time, a power outage had hit downtown Toronto after a crackling orb of lightning was spotted cooling off in the showers.
With files by Ian MacIntyre
