OTTAWA – Despite a report from the Parliamentary Budget Officer indicating that the nation’s budget will not be balanced, the Conservatives triumphantly announced today that Canada is the first nation to completely ignore its deficit.
“We are proud to say that Canada alone has eliminated its deficit since 2008,” pretended Cabinet Minister Jason Kenney at an event this past week. “Or that’s what I would be saying if Canada had ever even had a deficit, or if I even knew what a deficit was.”
With the Harper Government’s new economic strategy of deficit denial, Canada has become the only country in the OECD to have overcome its budget oversight body and successfully post imaginary surplus projections based on flawed oil prices.
“You can’t argue with results like those,” said Kenney. “Every smart voter out there knows that the Conservative Party is best at handling money that doesn’t exist.”
Despite high approval ratings gleaned from similarly imaginary polls, opposition critics have decried the move and called it grossly irresponsible. Opposition Leader Thomas Mulcair was quoted as saying “it’s there, it’s right there in the budget, you can see it right there.”
“La-la-la-la, can’t hear you,” responded Treasury Board President Tony Clement, defiantly placing his fingers in his ears. “La-la-la.”
At press time, the platform item has been added to the Conservative’s new “Denial Trinity” along with the consequences of climate change and the importance of an inquiry into Canada’s missing native women.