TORONTO – A new report released by the University of Toronto suggests that 90% of recent Facebook posts are messages of love for recently deceased domestic animals. The social media site, once va…
Tag: University of Toronto
Polite missionary patiently waiting for smarmy undergraduate philosophy student to stop fucking talking
TORONTO – Braxton Warmington, 18, a Mormon missionary, was busy nodding his head in polite agreement earlier today while local University student, Corey Langhart, 20, castigated him for sev…
New Jordan Peterson book asserts all dogs are boys and all cats are girls
TORONTO – Former University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson, known best for lionizing patriarchal structure, denouncing the existence of white privilege, and refusing to use gender neu…
Professor Jordan Peterson cancels plans for harassment website after discovering Twitter already exists
TORONTO — Controversial University of Toronto Professor Jordan Peterson has scrapped plans for a website built to identify and harass other profs after discovering an existing website calle…
REPORT: Jordan Peterson using Patreon money to defend free speech from atop new yacht
TORONTO – This week controversial University of Toronto professor Jordan Peterson assured supporters that their Patreon donations will be used in his continuing crusade against political co…
‘Toronto sure has a lot of condos going up’ notes very smart and brilliant visitor
TORONTO – An entire municipality is reeling after a tourist from Calgary made an observation that has radically altered how millions of people view their day to day existence. Geoffrey Thom…
Archeologists discover mass Polkaroo burial site
TORONTO – Two decades after TVO’s award-winning children’s program The Polka Dot Door ended, archaeologists from the University of Toronto have finally discovered where all the polkaroos ar…
Scientists develop first Asian fusion reactor
TORONTO – For the first time ever, engineers at the University of Toronto have successfully built a scalable reactor capable of cold Asian fusion. “Make no mistake, this is the most importa…
‘Smoking actually not that bad for you,’ say cool scientists who hang out behind the lab
WATERLOO – In an astounding announcement made by the popular clique of scientists that hang out behind a Waterloo cancer research laboratory, cigarette smoke has been found to be less of a health…
TTC reminds commuters not to lick subway tracks
TORONTO – In a repeat of last year’s campaign, the Toronto Transit Commission is reminding commuters not to leave the safety of subway platforms to lick the tracks. “You’re not impressing a…