TORONTO — Speaking to reporters, Ontario premier Doug Ford cancelled the city’s plans for a downtown relief subway line before announcing his own “Ontario Line” subway, which he also then p…
Tag: ttc
Last person to use Toronto’s Union Station pre-construction dies of old age
TORONTO – Florence Green, the last person in the world to travel through Toronto’s Union Station before the renovation began, has died peacefully in her sleep at the age of 112. “Our belove…
TTC finally admits “signal upgrades” just code for Fuck Party in the subway tunnels
TORONTO – Toronto Transit Commission representatives have shocked the city by revealing that the commonly used explanation for subway closures – signal upgrades – is simply code for all TTC emplo…
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
Toronto man who wasn’t speaking told to stop complaining about the snow
TORONTO – Despite the fact that he hasn’t actually said anything about the recent snowstorm, local man Jamal Cook has been frequently told by friends and colleagues from other parts of Cana…
If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North
TORONTO – With the mayoral election less than a month away, John Tory is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways. “Imagine it,” sai…
TTC bus driver really wants you to know he’s having a great fucking day
TORONTO – At approximately 8:10 this morning, TTC bus driver Mick ‘Micky’ Dorland made an impromptu announcement to an overcrowded bus, letting them know that he’s “feelin’ fine”. “To be honest, …
Toronto Police replace 30 police cars with one environmentally friendly police streetcar
TORONTO – As part of an initiative to reduce TPS’ carbon footprint, 30 police cruisers have been replaced with one state of the art police streetcar. “We expect some growing pains for sure,…
TTC introduces new Presto Gold card for elite commuters who demand premium delays
TORONTO – After the success of Presto, their automated payment method, the TTC has unveiled their newest innovation: PrestoGold, a special, invite-only card for public transit’s creme de la…
LIBERAL SCANDAL: Kathleen Wynne wasted millions on fancy underground cars for the Toronto elite
TORONTO – Yet another scandal rocked the Provincial Government today, when allegations surfaced that Kathleen Wynne blew millions of taxpayer dollars on lavish subterranean limousines for the Tor…