TORONTO – Bragging that it had been “two whole days” since they had to use shuttle buses, authorities report that for the first time since the late 20th century, Toronto’s mass transit syst…
Tag: ttc
Eglinton LRT construction extended just long enough to be cancelled at last minute
TORONTO — With the recent announcement that the long-under-construction Eglinton LRT will be completed in 2022, the TTC has assured riders that this is only to ensure that the entire projec…
Commuters warned not to retrieve items dropped on subway tracks unless it’s your phone in which case fair enough
TORONTO — Subway passengers are being warned never to attempt to reach for personal articles that have fallen onto the subway tracks, unless it’s their cell phone because how are you just g…
TTC unveils new elite fare enforcement SWAT team
TORONTO – As part of the war against fare evaders the TTC unveiled its new elite unit of fare enforcers. “Each member of our unit, codenamed the Red Rocket Berets, has extensive train…
Brand new TTC vehicle pre-emptively self-combusts to save everyone some time
TORONTO – After hearing stories about the chaos caused by Toronto Transit vehicles meeting their ends in fires, crashes, and nonstop signal problems, a new bus scheduled to begin service in Toron…
TTC to replace shuttle buses with being pushed off cliff in barrel full of eels
TORONTO – The Toronto Transit Commission announced plans today to replace their unpopular shuttle bus system with thousands of barrels stuffed with wriggling carnivorous fish. Officials promise t…
Angry tweet at TTC fixes decades of underfunding
TORONTO, ON — After a twitter user wrote “@TTCHelps 8 minute wait for the subway, why do MY tax dollars go towards such a lazy incompetent organization?”, years of problems caused by …
Kawhi celebrates return to Toronto by visiting his favourite H&R Block
TORONTO – Several months after leading the Raptors to their first NBA title Kawhi Leonard has returned to Toronto, so naturally has marked his return to the city by spending the afternoon a…
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating…
Everyone on subway trying not to pet seeing eye dog
TORONTO – A tense standoff is currently taking place on a TTC subway car between its passengers and a guide dog that everyone is desperately trying not to touch. “I’m terrified I’m actually going…