TORONTO – As part of the war against fare evaders the TTC unveiled its new elite unit of fare enforcers.
“Each member of our unit, codenamed the Red Rocket Berets, has extensive training in weapons, espionage, interrogation and of course, hand to hand combat,” said TTC spokesperson Martin O’Brien. “So the next time you think about saving that $3.25, get ready to find yourself going toe to toe with the best mercenaries your tax dollars can buy.”
“They’re trained to shoot first, ask if you tapped your Presto card later,” he added.
Though fare evasion rates remain low, that hasn’t stopped the TTC from launching a massive campaign to try to crackdown on people who dare to use a subsidized public service for free. First there was the ad campaign, then an increase in fare evasion tickets, and now unleashing heavily armed operatives onto streetcars and subways hoping to find someone to “make their day.”
“Sure the tank we provided them may not seem useful in collecting money from people who may have honestly forgotten to pay their fare, but trust me, it’s great for PR,” said O’Brien.
Several citizens have expressed concern that, given the unfortunate history of toronto transit and police officers using force against unarmed civilians on the ttc, this increase in hostile tactics may result in further violence. To which the TTC has responded ‘yes.’
At press time the Swat team’s armoured tank had accidentally driven down the tunnel at St. Clair West Station. As a result there would be no subway service all day, but shuttle buses are operating provided you PAY YOUR FARE!