MISSISSAUGA, ON – According to a recent analysis of financial trends within your friend group, it was revealed that your friend Liam who totally knows everything about finance is also the s…
Tag: Mississauga
Local man assures shoppers he definitely also hoarding toilet paper for coronavirus
MISSISSAUGA, ON — As self-quarantining shoppers clear out many stores’ inventory of toilet paper, local systems analyst Greg Charpman keeps repeatedly insisting that his need to stockpile t…
Study: Lining up to exit subway car on wrong side most embarrassing thing a Torontonian can do
TORONTO – A conclusive study by the University of Toronto has found that trying to exit the subway via doors that are not on the same side as the platform is just about the most humiliating…
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…
Millennial taking spectre of nuclear war in stride
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Sources report thirty year old Caitlin Barnes is “pretty laid back” despite the very real possibility a single tweet could incinerate the world in a massive radioactive in…
Workplace first aid kit has every medical tool except fucking band aids
MISSISSAUGA, ON – This week at the law firm of Wessleman and Wessleman, a suitcase-sized first aid kit was discovered to contain every medical supply imaginable except for the common band-a…
That one guy you know from high school still defending Kanye West
MISSISSAUGA – A recent string of concerning posts on your Facebook feed has revealed that someone you went to highschool with still stans for Kanye West. Hunter Maldonado, the guy who would…
Mississauga-born MP caught lying about being born in Toronto
TORONTO – A Globe and Mail investigation into an MP’s actual birthplace has revealed that Science Minister Kirsty Duncan was, in fact, born in neighbouring Mississauga rather than the City …
Mississauga woman wins largest ever Lotto 649 jackpot, can finally move to Toronto
MISSISSAUGA — A Mississauga woman has won a $64,000,000 lottery jackpot, finally affording her the financial freedom to actually purchase property in Toronto. The winner couldn’t believe he…
Man pretty sure thank-you card for Christmas gift will make things worse at this point
MISSISSAUGA — Local man James Redwy told reporters yesterday that despite “really wanting” to send a thank-you note to his aunt Susan for the sweater she gave him for Christmas, at this point it’…