HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
Tag: mass shootings
All guns reclassified as Chekhov’s guns
OTTAWA – Following a new survey that found that 99.9% of firearms turn out to be important to the plot, the Federal government has issued a nationwide reclassification of all privately owne…
Study: Best way to stop bad guy with gun actually good guy with lawn dart
Baltimore, MA — Americans have been shocked by research from the University of Maryland that reveals, contrary to popular belief, that the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with…
Mean-spirited teenagers bully poor, defenceless NRA
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Rifle Association is struggling after a group of teenagers used aggressive bullying tactics to disrespect and humiliate the innocent arms advocates. NRA spok…
Trump insists only way to stop a bad mentally ill guy with a gun is a good mentally ill guy with a gun
Parkland, Florida – While visiting with survivors of the tragic school shooting in Florida, President Trump refused to call for gun control, and instead assured Americans, “the only thing t…
House Republicans roll out tax break on ‘thoughts and prayers’
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the wake of several deadly mass shootings, including one in Sutherland Springs, Texas, GOP lawmakers introduced a substantial tax break on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ th…