MISSISSAUGA — Kristin has been out of work since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, and has been receiving $2000 monthly payments as part of the Canada Emergency Response Benefit. She recently a…
Tag: finance
Banks concerned looming recession may hinder Millennial ability to build up crippling debt
OTTAWA — This week, financial analysts reported that the North American economy is showing major signs of a looming recession, which could negatively impact the abilities of youths to owe b…
Report: Bank cheques cost how fucking much?
TORONTO – In a survey of the nation’s major banks, a new report published today states that ordering cheques from your bank can cost anywhere from “Wait, how fucking much?” to “Jesus, you g…
Quiz: Hey you look like a smart person, do you want the chance to work for yourself and be your own boss?
Are you a confident, self motivated person who will build wealth for themselves and their family, or are you some dumb schmuck who is destined to toil away in a nondescript office park forever? T…
REPORT: Experts worried Christmas not commercial enough
OTTAWA – With a worrying drop in retail sales and less than stellar spending growth, financial experts are beginning to worry that the fourth quarter holiday season purchasing period may no…
Morneau vows to balance budget by turning Department of Finance into numbered shell company
OTTAWA – Minister of Finance Bill Morneau has announced that in order to increase efficiency and lower costs the Department of Finance will be transitioned to a shell company with a numbere…
5 ways to write-off last year’s failed relationships on your taxes
From the first, lust-filled round of craft beer to the eighth break-up bottle of scotch, the arc of your failed 2016 relationships is perfectly documented on the credit card statements you need t…
Goldman Sachs predicts Canadian dollar will fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK, NY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will lower by as much as 12 cents compared to the US dollar in 2014 after they use an asto…
Kevin O’Leary completes hostile takeover of children’s lemonade stand
TORONTO – Sources inside O’Leary Funds say that their CEO has successfully gained controlling ownership of Timothy and Caroline Gowan’s lemonade stand in Toronto’s west end. “Now that we control …
Canadians are richer than ever according to new research poll
Canadians are richer than ever, according to Environics research, which calculated that the average household net worth is now over $400,000. What’s your say? “I’m not sure I understand. Can you …
