SAN BRUNO, CA — Celebrations erupted today at YouTube’s headquarters, marking the major milestone of the video sharing site successfully radicalising its ten millionth child. “We couldn’t be prou…
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New toonie honours Queen Elizabeth II and the polar bear that ate her
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint has announced a black ringed two-dollar coin featuring the 96-year-old Queen on one side, and the polar bear that killed and devoured her on the other. “As many C…
This winter’s hottest beauty trend: Conventional attractiveness
Temperatures are low, nights are long, and cuffing season is in full swing. But what are the most up-to-date hair, beauty, and fashion trends you should be following this year to turn heads durin…
Amateur magician pulls most of rabbit out of hat
EDMONTON – Rookie magician Marty Merlin has shocked and amazed onlookers at Trevor White’s ninth birthday party by removing most of a rabbit from his top hat. “Behold, Peter the Third in all his …
“Controversies” section on Kanye West’s Wikipedia page eclipses “Music” section
AUSTIN – After Ye, formerly known as Kayne West, made a wide variety of antisemitic comments on Alex Jones’ Infowars broadcast, the rapper’s Wikipedia page now dedicates more space to his controv…
Read the text of the Alberta Sovereignty Act
Bill 1: Alberta Sovereignty Within A (temporarily) United Canada WHEREAS the federal government is a fuckin’ clown show bud; WHEREAS PM Justin Trudeau keeps making laws despite repeated req…
Danielle Smith mandates that Alberta students must have at least 2 infectious diseases at all times
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has carried on her government’s fight against the fight against COVID by mandating that all Alberta students come to school with at least 2 i…
“Toronto is the most multicultural city in the world,” brags unicultural man to unicultural friends
TORONTO – Local white man Aaron Burton recently talked with his group of entirely white friends about how great it was to live in a city with so much diversity. “Multiculturalism is w…
Historians unearth the pagan roots of Cyber Monday, reveal its origin in the ancient festival of CompuServehain
CAMBRIDGE – Historians studying ancient documents from the dawn of the information age have recently discovered that the holiday known today as Cyber Monday can be traced all the way back t…
Slide-whistle virtuoso longs to play Rachmaninoff instead of accompanying prank videos
TORONTO — Martin Peck, the world’s foremost slide-whistle virtuoso, expressed his frustration at only being hired to accompany prank videos. “The slide-whistle is my instrument and my art,” Peck …
