TORONTO — It’s that time of year again; The lights are shining, the snow is falling, and “woke moralists” are forcing me to say “Happy Holidays”. But this year I’m taking a stand. I won’t say it!…
Tag: depression
5 Sarah Polley films to watch if you want to honour a great Canadian artist and have your day absolutely fucking ruined
Having taken home the Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar for Women Talking, Sarah Polley has officially graduated from precocious Canadian tv star to full Hollywood royalty. And if you want to check o…
Study: Seasonal depression cured by wrapping paper scissor glides
St. Catharines, ON – In a groundbreaking study by Brock University, researchers have identified the long-awaited cure for seasonal depression: the sweet, sweet satisfaction of gliding a sha…
Report: Melancholic Mario just really doesn’t feel like partying today
Mushroom Kingdom, Arkansas – As Luigi, Peach, and Donkey Kong get ready for another rousing game of Mario Party, Mario has refused to jump into the warp pipe leading to Koopa Troopa Creek. …
REPORT: Loneliness epidemic singled out, ostracized by other epidemics
RICHMOND, BC – As persistent loneliness continues to affect the health of billions, it remains unable to gain acceptance and inclusion from its epidemic peers. “I’ve been harming people’s well-be…
New research shows the thing you’re doing to cope with your depression is the cause of your depression
CALGARY, AB – A new study from the Centre for Canadian Mental Health and Wellness (CCMHW) found that among Canadians aged 18-35, the near-ubiquitous cause of mental distress was the thing t…
This weighted blanket changed my life by accidentally smothering my cat
If you’re like me and you’ve been wondering whether you should buy a weighted blanket, this review is for you! The first night I used my weighted blanket, I was super impressed with how comfortab…
Nation’s dogs just super here for everyone right now
VICTORIA, BC – Dogs across the nation report that they know you’re having a rough time lately and they’re ready to give you whatever the heck you need, okay? “Normally, my owner wakes me up with …
Half-eaten chip bag retrieved after 8 minutes in cupboard
TORONTO – Reports found that yesterday local copywriter Gavin Issac retrieved his half-eaten family-sized bag of all-dressed potato chips exactly eight minutes and sixteen seconds after pu…