Heavy petting officially downgraded to first base
PARIS – In a long overdue move, the International Association for Getting It On has officially downgraded heavy petting to first base. The move reclassifies French Kissing as a sacrifice bu…
God can’t find publisher for latest book
HEAVEN – Over 3,000 years since the release of His worldwide bestseller The Bible, God, almighty creator of the universe, is finding it difficult to get His latest book published. “I’ve bee…
Moleskine notebook fails to improve diary entries
Flickr photo…
National Spelling Bee abuzz over substance abuse allegations
TORONTO – The Canadian spelling bee circuit is once again under fire after allegations that one of its star participants has been under the influence of illegal performance enhancing substa…
Toronto will receive $2 million to fight bed bugs
Toronto will receive $2 million from Queen’s Park for its fight against bed bugs. The money will pay for 11 nurses to help select citizens deal with infestation problems. What’s your say? “…
Entire date ruined by boner
VICTORIA, BC – A potentially pleasant outing between a man and woman on Saturday evening was completely ruined by a boner. Todd Bellard, 28, and his date, 27-year-old Cynthia Elmwood, were …
Montreal may reopen asbestos mine
Quebec supports the reopening of one of Canada’s last asbestos mines despite criticism from international health experts who argue that it is unsafe and immoral to ship asbestos to developi…
